Why I'm Not Gay. (Speak Up Now)

                            "Why I'm Not Gay. (Speak Up Now)"

 Forward: This is my testimony. My prayer is that you would be encouraged by reading about the work the Lord has done in my life. All praise, honor and glory to God!

 I first realized I was different at a young age. I remember walking into the mens underwear aisle at the store. My heart started to thump and feelings that i never experienced before started to arise. After that experience I was left confused. I didn't know what to think. I wondered if I was gay.
 So I went to the place I usually went to if I had a question; the enclyopida. Under the definiton for homosexuality I read that young boys often experience feelings toward the same gender but that with time they grow out of these feelings. I thought "Maybe that's me. Maybe with time these feelings will leave."
 Time came and went. The feelings remained. With time they intensified and I realized this wasn't just something I was passing through.
 Fear came over me. If anyone found out I was struggling with homosexuality I would be toast. My future would be ruined. The possiblities of what could happen if someone found out were endless in my mind.
 Laying in bed I prayed,"Please God, take away these feelings. I dont want them, please!" The Lord anwsered but it wasn't the anwser I was hoping for. The horrible truth dawned on me I was struggling with homosexuality.
 Fear kept my struggle a secret. Overtime keeping my struggle to myself only created more of a problem. I began to slip into pornography. I knew it was wrong. I knew what the Bible said but even so I had not yet fully surendered myself to God. I was trying too hard on my own to handle it but to no avail. I finally smashed the smartphone I was using to get the porn. But it didn't take long before I was into it again.
 I knew I had to talk to someone. I went to my friend and opened up through a text. He was very understanding inspite of not being able to relate to my struggle. He showed he cared by asking questions and encouraging me.    
 Though I had taken a big step I still felt the need to open up to someone older. At the time I was working for a local farmer who was  a strong godly man. We had become good friends. He was the only adult I felt I could trust to talk to about this personal subject.
 I finally racked up enough courage to talk to him about it. When I first told him he thought I was joking. He didn't realize I was being sirous untill a few days later when I brought it up again. (When he realized this he aploligized for taking it so lightly.)
 At first he was shocked. Never before had he known anyone so personally that struggled with this before. In the weeks following his shock turned into concern. Why was Landen working for me? Why was he my friend? Was it for the wrong reasons? Soon he began to put distance in our friendship. At the time I could understand why he had those questions but at the same time the last I needed was for me to loose the only adult I felt like I could trust. What I needed was an older man coming along side me as I walked this road. What I needed was a man to lead me into a Christian, mascline idenity.
After some time of thinking it all through my friend realized these truths. Instead of leaving me to my own fate he came along side of me. Through the years he's become a close brother and mentor. I always knew that I had a place to go if something was heavy on my heart, if I needed someone to pray for me, or if I just needed encouragement. He showed me what true Christian mascilinity looked like. He also became a sorce of accountability and through that taught me the importance of daily surrender to Christ.
 Through my whole experience I realized how much God cared about me. He cared even though my prayer to "cure" me wasn't anwered with a "Yes". It was for a reason he didn't grant this. To allow me to come to a place where I had to run to Him for strength to fight. To pull me into a relationship with Him that I might not have had otherwise. To bring honor and glory to His name through my testimony for Him.
 So your proubly wondering. Do I still struggle with unwanted same sex attractions? The anwser is yes. Though it is not as strong as it once was (being free from porn definitly helps that) its still something I need to daily surrender to Christ. But that just a part of the Christian life. Surrendering to Christ and taking up the cross daily.
 I know God has a plan for my life. What those plans are exactly that I don't know. But what I do know is that everything God brings into my life has a greater purpose.
 I have often felt that by putting off sharing my testimony would make it easier to share. But the truth is NOW is the time to speak. Never before have we seen our culture so open to talking about this issue. Never before have Christians been met face to face with things such as gay right issues. As Christians we need to take advantage of this and speak up for Truth. Espically me. Someone who is living proof of what God can do.
  What emptiness there is in the life of an active homosexual. But what joy, peace and grace God can give to those who deny there flesh and take up the cross daily!
  Romans 8:1&2 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death."
 I close by saying SPEAK UP FOR TRUTH FOR NOW IS THE TIME! What ever your testimony is the world needs to hear it!