Why I'm Not Gay. (Speak Up Now)

                            "Why I'm Not Gay. (Speak Up Now)"

 Forward: This is my testimony. My prayer is that you would be encouraged by reading about the work the Lord has done in my life. All praise, honor and glory to God!

 I first realized I was different at a young age. I remember walking into the mens underwear aisle at the store. My heart started to thump and feelings that i never experienced before started to arise. After that experience I was left confused. I didn't know what to think. I wondered if I was gay.
 So I went to the place I usually went to if I had a question; the enclyopida. Under the definiton for homosexuality I read that young boys often experience feelings toward the same gender but that with time they grow out of these feelings. I thought "Maybe that's me. Maybe with time these feelings will leave."
 Time came and went. The feelings remained. With time they intensified and I realized this wasn't just something I was passing through.
 Fear came over me. If anyone found out I was struggling with homosexuality I would be toast. My future would be ruined. The possiblities of what could happen if someone found out were endless in my mind.
 Laying in bed I prayed,"Please God, take away these feelings. I dont want them, please!" The Lord anwsered but it wasn't the anwser I was hoping for. The horrible truth dawned on me I was struggling with homosexuality.
 Fear kept my struggle a secret. Overtime keeping my struggle to myself only created more of a problem. I began to slip into pornography. I knew it was wrong. I knew what the Bible said but even so I had not yet fully surendered myself to God. I was trying too hard on my own to handle it but to no avail. I finally smashed the smartphone I was using to get the porn. But it didn't take long before I was into it again.
 I knew I had to talk to someone. I went to my friend and opened up through a text. He was very understanding inspite of not being able to relate to my struggle. He showed he cared by asking questions and encouraging me.    
 Though I had taken a big step I still felt the need to open up to someone older. At the time I was working for a local farmer who was  a strong godly man. We had become good friends. He was the only adult I felt I could trust to talk to about this personal subject.
 I finally racked up enough courage to talk to him about it. When I first told him he thought I was joking. He didn't realize I was being sirous untill a few days later when I brought it up again. (When he realized this he aploligized for taking it so lightly.)
 At first he was shocked. Never before had he known anyone so personally that struggled with this before. In the weeks following his shock turned into concern. Why was Landen working for me? Why was he my friend? Was it for the wrong reasons? Soon he began to put distance in our friendship. At the time I could understand why he had those questions but at the same time the last I needed was for me to loose the only adult I felt like I could trust. What I needed was an older man coming along side me as I walked this road. What I needed was a man to lead me into a Christian, mascline idenity.
After some time of thinking it all through my friend realized these truths. Instead of leaving me to my own fate he came along side of me. Through the years he's become a close brother and mentor. I always knew that I had a place to go if something was heavy on my heart, if I needed someone to pray for me, or if I just needed encouragement. He showed me what true Christian mascilinity looked like. He also became a sorce of accountability and through that taught me the importance of daily surrender to Christ.
 Through my whole experience I realized how much God cared about me. He cared even though my prayer to "cure" me wasn't anwered with a "Yes". It was for a reason he didn't grant this. To allow me to come to a place where I had to run to Him for strength to fight. To pull me into a relationship with Him that I might not have had otherwise. To bring honor and glory to His name through my testimony for Him.
 So your proubly wondering. Do I still struggle with unwanted same sex attractions? The anwser is yes. Though it is not as strong as it once was (being free from porn definitly helps that) its still something I need to daily surrender to Christ. But that just a part of the Christian life. Surrendering to Christ and taking up the cross daily.
 I know God has a plan for my life. What those plans are exactly that I don't know. But what I do know is that everything God brings into my life has a greater purpose.
 I have often felt that by putting off sharing my testimony would make it easier to share. But the truth is NOW is the time to speak. Never before have we seen our culture so open to talking about this issue. Never before have Christians been met face to face with things such as gay right issues. As Christians we need to take advantage of this and speak up for Truth. Espically me. Someone who is living proof of what God can do.
  What emptiness there is in the life of an active homosexual. But what joy, peace and grace God can give to those who deny there flesh and take up the cross daily!
  Romans 8:1&2 says "There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death."
 I close by saying SPEAK UP FOR TRUTH FOR NOW IS THE TIME! What ever your testimony is the world needs to hear it!

Conservative Mennonites

I've always lived in the conservative Mennonite culture so just recently when explaining to a friend our culture, I realized what a interesting culture I live in! 

 There are so many blessings being a part of such a culture but as any other culture we have our imperfections as well. 

 In this article I will attempt to show the blessings and the imperfections of our culture. 

 The blessings of our culture are often what people know us for. 

 Work ethic. We're known as hard workers. When neighbors become sick or unable to do work the Mennonites come to there side and help them out. Once on a flight a man asked if I was a Mennonite seeing my sisters with me. He than proceeded to tell me how the Mennonites had helped his non-Mennonite father harvest his crops after he had gotten hurt and was unable to do it himself. It had left a good impression on the man for the kindness that was shown.

 Many times when natural disasters strike an area C.A.M. (Christian Aid Ministries) brings in Mennonites to help with cleanup and rebuilding projects. 

 Our brotherhood. It's an amazing bond between believers. When a family in the church is struggling financially the church pitches in to help them. Or when a barn or house burns down the men are there to lend there skills to help rebuild. 

 Along with our brotherhood comes a special connection between believers when two meet in an unlikely place. For example when I was visiting Kenya, Africa we saw some conservative Anabaptists in the safari where we were. Though we didn't get a chance to talk we felt a connection with them knowing they were of like minded beliefs. 

 Mennonite Food! Of course you've heard of Amish made bread or Amish noodles. Well the since the Amish are a break off of the Mennonites we also carry on the history of delicious food. I've often been intriged how people take special interest in my mother's cooking just because of the fact she's Mennonite. 

 Our modest lifestyle. No, we don't drive horse and buggy and we have electricity but one thing that stands out is our modesty. Normally a tv would not be a part of the average conservative Mennonite home. Nor would a fancy sports car being parked the garage. 

 Modesty in dress is also something by which people recognize us for. Ladies ware dresses while men often ware button down shirts or polos with blue jeans. This is done to avoid being immodest and avoiding association with the world's fashions. 

 The Mennonite's imperfections.

 Every church and every culture has there imperfections and Mennonites are often accused of being legalistic and hypocritical in there lifestyle and beliefs. While I recognize there are some who simply are Mennonite because that's what they were brought up as there are others of us who have truly embraced Mennonite beliefs on what we have understood of Biblical truths. To keep this post from bring to lengthy I will not go it to that more but will on a later time. 

 Are we legalistic? No. As least none of the churches I know of. We ask certain things of the members due to how we have seen the church fall away in the past. We set certain guidelines to help keep our members from backsliding. 

 One imperfection I have seen in our churches that is slowly being addressed by our generation is the lack of relationship between fathers and sons. I have talked to many men who testify to the lack of relationship with there fathers. Often this keeps sons from opening up to there fathers thus carry emotional hurt from generation to generation. Just recently have men begun to break these generational chains. 

 While one may highlight the faults in the Mennonite churches I see deep value in being apart of this brotherhood. No, no ones perfect and while some Mennonites may come across as goody two shoes where just people living by who we interpret the scriptures. 

 Anyone can be Mennonite no matter of race or background. So if you find yourself wondering more, one of the best things to do is to see for your self! Visit a local Mennonite congregation and ask questions! We'd love to have you join us as a part of brotherhood! 

 

Unexpected Legacy

 He died. 75 years old. His funeral was filled with many people but what caught the funeral director by surprise was that the majority was young people. Not many young people attened funerals and all of them certainly couldn't be grandchildren. Curiosity got the best of him and finally pulled one of the young men aside as the man was leaving. 

 "Sir I couldn't help but notice all you young people who came out today to show their respect, how was it that you knew this fellow?"

 The young man looked up and smiled, "He was my neighbor." 

 "And for the rest of these young people?"

 "Yup neighbor as well. We all grew up in the same neighborhood but everyone knew who Mr.Pete was! He would walk down to the park and just sit on the bench and watch us play. Often times we would gather around him while he told stories and showed us pictures from his life. We learned so much from listening to Mr.Pete! He was the only one who had time for us. Everyone eles was too busy."

 As the young man left the funeral director was left standing pondering what he had just heard. 

 Through his career he had helped with many people including for those who were known for there great humanitarian and community work but never had it struck him like it did now. 

 A man who many never guessed would do much for his community changed it just through the friendship of so many children. 

 That's the type of legacy I want he thought as he turned around went back to his duties. Tommrow was Saturday and he knew exactly what he was going to do.

  ~landen m.

My Personal Mentor

Five years ago an insecure 8th grader found his way onto a farm to begin his first job. 

 It's hard to imagine that only 5 years ago around this time I began my first job, working for only 5 dollars a day. It wasn't even minimum wage but I didn't care!

 I started working there and soon became good friends with my boss who at that time, was my teacher in 8th grade. It was probably a year or two into working for him that we became really close friends. 

 As years passed he became a fatherly mentor to me, instructing me in different areas of my life. 

 Though unfamiliar as he may be to mentoring, he knew how to give time. 

 Because of the time he took to invest in my life and his willingness to let God use him, my life has changed in so many ways. 

  In the recent years God has opened my eyes to the need for mentors in the church today. 

 If you find yourself in need of a mentor don't be afraid to seek one out! 

 Don't limit your self to one resource, your church for example. I found mine in a way more consirvative church, a resource hard to believe knowing the church. 

 If you find yourself wishing to make a difference in the life of anther person, be a mentor! 

 Sometimes the best way to show someone you want to mentor them is by spending time with them. Invite them over to help with a small project or go out for coffee with the person. 

 As you spend time together God will open up oppritunites to give advice and show godly wisdom to your mentoree.

 Mentoring is a serious responsibility and not to be taken lightly. But if you don't feel qualified remember, God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called! 

 Are you ready to help change someone's life?

Thanks so much to Daniel Shaum for his impact on my life! I will never be the same!

 Below: My mentor Daniel kayaking with me this past summer.

A Lesson In Receiving

 Recently I was in a Goodwill resale shop searching for stuffed animals to make into puppets to take with me to Kenya, Africa to entertain children at a mission I was going to visit. While searching through a large bin to find the perfect ones anther costumer asked if I was looking for anything particular and I told her what I was looking for. 

 She began to help me look and suggested a few as well. I was about done shopping when she approached me again and ask, "Do you get any discounts?", I replied "Yea a student discount which is 10 percent." 

 She left but return again to me and this time said, "Today I get 50 percent discount and if you take your things up there with me I'll get you the 50 percent as well."

  I thought, this was great as we headed up there. Turned out she had to pay for my things for that good discount. I just had my debit along so I had no cash to pay her back if she did pay for the items. 

 Once she reliesed this she informed me that she was just going pay for my stuff animals and the other few things I had found. 

 "Some of these things are going for a good cause anyways so I'll just pay for them." 

 After the purchase I asked for her email address and promised pictures! Today after sending her pictures of the children with the puppets she replied with this,     

  "Dear Landen,  I can see on the children's faces how happy they were with the puppets, that was a great idea to make them from stuffed toys. I am so grateful to get the pictures and glad you had a wonderful time. Thank you again for remembering me. Blessings to you,☺Jill." 

 This taught me a good lesson. It is wonderful to let others, even complete strangers, help you even in small things! This allowed this lady to do something which helped her feel she was helping children in Africa, which she was doing. You never know when others may just need to help you in order to feel better in life! Give and be willing to receive!